Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
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I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
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Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
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