you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
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