is wine microwaveable?
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Randomize
