hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize
