i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
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