Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
Randomize