Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
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just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
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'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
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