We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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