this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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