I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
I have post one night stand depression
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
Randomize
