the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
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