Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Randomize
