so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
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