is your mom at the bar?
idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Randomize
