at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
you have to choose: penises or morals?
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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