I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Randomize
