I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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