So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
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