do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
