if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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