Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
Randomize
