The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize