I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Randomize
