so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
