I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
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