what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Randomize
