We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
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