I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
