I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize
