And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
