the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
