You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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