i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
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