Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
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