Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Randomize
