We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Randomize
