Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
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