Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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