Heybabeimwearingurpanties
There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Randomize
