she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Randomize
