Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Randomize
