I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
