Don't make out with my wife yet
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
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