I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
