Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
