This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Randomize
