Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Randomize
