I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Randomize
