I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
