In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
