This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
