Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Randomize
