After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Randomize
