I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
Randomize
