Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
Oh god it's open bar.
Randomize
