sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
