Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
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