when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
Banned from zoo.
Again?
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
