Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
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