We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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