I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
Randomize
