before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Randomize
