doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
There's even glitter on my cock...
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
