There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
