why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
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