Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
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