So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
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we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
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We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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