The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
