when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
