I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
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