I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Randomize
