This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Randomize
