guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Randomize
