guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize