Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize