happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
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He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
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Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
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